All I know, freshly pressed, Life, life lessons, writing

A letter to my 12 year old self


Dear Pocahontas,

Right now everything is so unclear. You don’t understand this chaos that surrounds you. You have experienced things that are beyond your naïve understanding. These events do NOT define YOU!

That wall you built around your heart was raised by fear and it must come down or the fear will rule you.  It is ok to be scared of what you don’t understand, but you are still brave, even when you cry silently on your pillow at night.  Every hero has scars.  You feel alone and isolated. You even feel unloved and unwanted, but none of this is your fault.
Adults do things that are selfish, cruel and scary, without thinking of the consequences.  Some even tell you to grow up and not play the victim because they cannot admit to their responsibility for your shattered world.

But you only stare blankly at them all because you have learned how to numb yourself to the pain of this topsy-turvy world. You believe that the impenetrable walls around your hart will protect you from feeling so scared and helpless ever again.  You reach the conclusion that feelings are useless because they hurt.  It is better to be a lifeless zombie in this world than to try your very best and get shot down every time; than to be criticized for who you are, all the time.

What does love look like? What does love feel like?  These are questions that haunt you. You see happiness in other people’s lives and you wonder how they captured it.  You try to be like the happiest girl you know.  You imitate her, thinking it will make you happy…it will make them happy…maybe…. just maybe if you are some one different, they will like you and be happy too.
It doesn’t work.  Now he’s gone … for good, but it’s not your fault.  There is nothing you could do to change this.

I wish so hard that someone could have held you and told you how awesome you are.  I wish that there was one person who could help you through this pain and confusion.  I want to tell you now…

I want to let you know that you were amazing.  You were brave and strong beyond your years.  You were intelligent and suave. You were smart and special. You were so precious.

You still are!  You will always be!

Don’t doubt yourself because you have a beautiful mind and a beautiful soul.  Your fragile heart can hold more than you give it credit for.  All you have to do is stay true to yourself.  Be authentic, always.  Never be afraid of anything.  Go boldly where your heart and dreams take you.  Walk passionately and leave your mark gently.  You are sensational and you can make a difference.

Love does not hurt so give it a chance.  All the places you looked for it, were impoverished.  You never found it in its original state.  Plant love in your hart and cultivate it; nourish it. Let it grow wild and free and give it to everyone you encounter.  Never feel guilty for being happy and never be scared to show your love.  Follow your dreams and achieve all you set out to do.
Let no fear or doubt hold you back.  Failure is a stepping stone to greatness and you can fail many times at many things and still be wiser, stronger and more accomplished than if you stayed in the safe harbor and colored inside the lines.

Remember how you hated painting by numbers? Remember how you loved the 1-0-1-1-0-0-0 of your first programming book?

Believe in yourself! Life is a precious gift and anything is possible…so rip off the wrapping and bulldoze the walls around your heart!

Journey, Explore, Discover, Improve…become a JEDI!!

I’m waiting for you on the other side!!


Lots of Love and Big Hugs,



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