All I know, freshly pressed, Life, life lessons, newbie, writing

Good Grief!

No! It’s not an exclaim of disbelief…

I just met a mother who lost her son. Her grief is so real and raw that she wore it like a garment. It enveloped her and seeped from her very being. It was in her walk, in her eyes, in her face, in her hands, in her posture. It gripped me when she spoke, her words soaked with grief;heavy with pain and heartache…

It defies nature that a parent should bury a child. The grief in this regard can be difficult to reconcile. The intense blow of receiving tragic news in the early hours of the morning can not be compared to anything! This family had to endure that, not once, but twice! The first call brought news of death and injury. 3 funerals at once, while 3 others were seriously injured and in hospital. 2 days later, another call of death.
I cannot begin to imagine the depths of sorrow and other emotions that overtook this family in such a short time. How did they absorb the double shock?! How did they accept the reality of the deaths?! How long will the loss batter this family?!

In Islam we are taught that it is natural to grieve and feel sorrow over the loss of loved ones. Our Prophet Muhammed (p.b.u.h) experienced more loss than anyone could possibly endure in one lifetime, and he did not repress his suffering. We are taught to practice patience and acceptance in the face of loss and tragedy. The grieving period is prescribed as 3 days and excessive mourning and wailing is not permitted. The Quran says: “who say, when afflicted with calamity: To God we belong, and to God is our return..” [2:156]
Certainly if every person accepts this, there is no need for an extended mourning period?? But we are human and our mind, body and hearts are fallible. They do not simply “adhere” to a teaching!

A friend and ex-colleague lost her spouse and soul mate, very suddenly and tragically. A young family, with kids who must still begin school and life in the big bad world. They will make this journey without their father!

The overwhelming feeling of pain and grief that accompanies loss, does not come with a handbook on how to deal with it! The intensity never leaves or lessens… truth is, our hearts grow bigger to allow this pain and grief it’s own space. We learn to accommodate it. This is how acceptance comes. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is no stipulated time. It truly is ‘each to his own.’

When my beloved grandmother passed, it took me 3 days to absorb the shock! 3 days before I cried! 3 days before I realised I would never see her again! But I have green beans and lentils, oil of olay and other little, everyday things that bring memories of time spent with her. I treasure those moments and sometimes, I grieve…

The Japanese culture have a lovely practice of mending broken pieces of pottery. I draw great inspiration from this art.

All the memories will fill our hearts with streaks of golden light. The broken pieces will be mended with golden moments.
The stories, the smiles, the tears, the joys, the sadness…all have a place to go. This will be the magic of repair, removal of despair, addition of art, rare!!!

Pretty much all I know…is that it takes time! And time is all we have…


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